Why the Silence?

I've been fortunate over the years to work with some pretty remarkable people. Great leaders, customers, competitors, industry friends, and a few characters who probably deserve their own chapter in a book.

I've also known a few people who could make a perfectly good day feel like a root canal.

But here's something I've come to appreciate after more than 40 years in business and a few more years figuring out life.

The people you surround yourself with have a lot to do with the person you become.

And I'm not just talking about the people you work with.

Think about the people in your world. The folks you work alongside, the relationships you've developed across your industry, and the friends and family you spend time with when the workday is over.

Are they making you better? Or are they just making you comfortable?

I've had some pretty spirited discussions over the years with people I respect. Sometimes we agreed. Sometimes we were so far apart you'd have thought we were talking about two different subjects.

And sometimes, after listening to the other guy, I had to admit he made a pretty good point.

Imagine that.

You can disagree with somebody without deciding they're an idiot.

Somewhere along the way, we've gotten pretty good at turning a difference of opinion into a personal insult. Raise your voice, question somebody's intelligence, and if that doesn't work, just stop talking to them.

Whatever happened to being able to disagree with somebody and still have a decent conversation?

Think about the relationships you've spent years developing. Friends, family, coworkers, customers, and people you've come to respect across your industry. Years of conversations, shared experiences, helping each other through difficult situations, and building trust.

Then one day you disagree about something. Maybe something important. Maybe something that really gets under your skin.

And suddenly you're willing to throw away years of respect over one moment of disagreement?

C'mon. What the hell are we doing?

You don't have to change your opinion. You don't even have to like theirs.

But if one disagreement can wipe out everything you've built together, maybe you ought to ask yourself how much you valued that relationship in the first place.

Now, before anybody gets the idea that I've got all this figured out, let me introduce you to my wife. She's been putting up with me for nearly as long as I've been tracking mud in the house and smelling diesel fumes.

Occasionally, I can't see much beyond the end of my own nose. The glass isn't just half empty; I'm looking to blame somebody for drinking the other half.

That's usually when she looks at me and says, "OK, Mr. Negative."

And just like that, I get the message.

Do I always appreciate hearing it? Probably not. But after all these years, she's earned the right to tell me when my thinking needs a little adjustment.

And I'd be a fool not to listen.

That's what good relationships are supposed to do. The people who make us better aren't always telling us something new. Sometimes they're reminding us of something we already know but don't particularly want to admit.

But here's where the shoe ends up on the other foot.

Are you that person for somebody else?

When a friend, coworker, or someone you respect asks for your opinion, are you willing to tell them what you really think? Or do you take the easy way out, nod your head, and tell them what they want to hear?

I've never believed you do somebody a favor by agreeing with a bad idea just to keep the peace.

That doesn't mean you need to hit them in the forehead with a 2x4 either.

There's a big difference between being honest and being obnoxious. I've probably crossed that line a time or two myself.

But if somebody trusts you enough to ask what you think, don't insult them by giving them an answer you don't believe.

And when the roles are reversed, you'd better be willing to listen.

You can't spend your life telling everybody how much you value honesty and then get your underwear in a bunch when somebody disagrees with you.

So here's something to think about over your next cup of coffee.

If the people closest to you were asked whether they could count on you for an honest opinion, what would they say?

And here's the tougher question.

Would they feel comfortable telling you that your opinion was wrong?

Because if the answer to that second question is no, you might not be making the people around you better.

You might just be teaching them to shake their head and keep their damn mouth shut.

See you next week…

The journey continues.

— HAMP